I need a new start. A reboot. Not a new life, just a fresh perspective. A new purpose. I spent my whole life going to school, writing papers, studying for tests, passing them, and earning decent grades. Long story short, Bachelor’s Degree in Political Science, LSAT, Law School, Bar Exam, and lastly, one and a half years of practicing law. That was the last 30 years of my life. I’ve skipped over a lot of details, of course, but during those years, my main focus was becoming a lawyer. During that time, I never really gave much thought as to what my purpose in life was or what I wanted to dedicate my life to. Growing up, I never had that one thing I loved to do. Becoming a lawyer was always a thought in my mind; a seed planted by my amazing mom and step-dad, both of whom I love, and my real dad who, for now, shall remain the subject of another post.
In any case, those thirty years are gone. I will never get them back. I don’t need them back. I don’t want them back. For however unsatisfied I am with certain aspects of my life right now, I am ultimately grateful for my existence, having little to complain about, and much to be thankful for. Some people find out very early on in their life what exactly it is that they love to do, what they are good at, and how they can make an enjoyable livelihood from it. Some people go their whole lives and never even try to figure that out. Its taken me 30 years to wake up and realize that my life is my own, that I don’t have to live someone else’s narrative, but that I can write my own. And so I shall. And that is what all this is about.
I don’t know what my purpose is in this life. But I am not going to settle until I figure it out. I am not going to give up on myself. I shall afford myself all the time I have for the purpose of figuring it out. I have to. If I don’t, I shall explode. So I declare it to the world, here and now, to make it real, to hold myself accountable, and to let it out of me. If I don’t, I will go mad. I have let my ideas stir and boil too long inside my mind and I need to let them out. I need to share them with you. I need to pour my thoughts into the river to let them join the ocean and feed the fish and return to me, radioactive, to nourish my mind, body, and soul.